How influencing up is the dark chocolate of leadership
Leadership can sometimes feel like a plain chocolate bar: smooth, linear, and predictable. And yet, the best leadership can be more like a box of chocolates: varied, rich, multidimensional, and full of unexpected centres.
Some flavours you recognise, others catch you off guard. But the most memorable ones? They surprise and satisfy all at once.
That’s the experience of authentic leadership: a combination of interactions that go up, down, and across, each with its own flavour and texture.
Expand your leadership palate
Classic leadership focuses on guiding direct reports, providing clarity, setting direction, and supporting development. And while this supports high-value delivery, it represents a single layer of the leadership experience.
Leadership also evolves through peer partnerships, cross-functional alignment, and engagement with senior decision-makers. These interactions rely less on authority and more on influence – particularly upward influence.
This is where the most exciting flavours emerge.
When upward influence flows with intention and purpose, outcomes accelerate. Culture becomes more agile, conversations shift, and leaders experience their roles more clearly and confidently.
What’s more, upward influence strengthens leadership across all levels, from managers to senior executives.
The foundations of influence
Every rich chocolate has a quality base. The same goes for leadership. These five foundational practices create structure and balance, helping upward influence land with ease and integrity:
1. Align with shared goals
Like good chocolate balances sweetness and depth, effective leadership balances personal intention with organisational relevance. When an initiative supports collective goals, it gains momentum through shared purpose.
Reflect for a moment: “How do my goals align with the organisation or first line manager’s goals?”
2. Explore the full flavour profile
Leadership benefits from complexity. Highlighting opportunities while also naming trade-offs creates a fuller picture. A message with dimension feels genuine and earns deeper respect.
Reflect for a moment: “What nuances deserve space in my conversations, even if they feel uncomfortable?”
3. Understand others’ palates
No two people experience a flavour the same way. Some prefer dark richness, while others lean toward lighter tones. When you communicate, observe preferences and adapt your approach. When the message meets the receiver where they are, influence flows more easily.
Reflect for a moment: “What do people around me value in tone, timing, and format?
How do I meet them there?”
4. Lead with clarity and focus
A delicious truffle doesn’t need a long description because the impact is immediate. Influential language works the same way. Short, structured communication allows busy leaders to absorb and engage quickly.
Reflect for a moment: “How can I express my idea in a way that lands within the first sentence?”
5. Speak in their flavour
Some decision-makers focus on metrics, while others value loyalty, autonomy, or connection. When you reflect on decision-makers’ unique “taste” through language, your message carries a deeper meaning.
Reflect for a moment: “Which values shape people’s decisions? How can I echo those values through my language?”
Semantics: Influence rooted in values
Flavour comes from more than ingredients. It comes from how those ingredients are combined – process, precision, and intentionality.
Language works the same way.
Influence is meaningful when it resonates with values. And values, like someone’s preference for praline over ganache, tend to stay steady. They shape perception, guide choices, and create that “Yes, this is for me!” experience.
Here’s how it plays out in coaching:
Step 1: Discover their values
Values show up in what people praise, protect, and prioritise. Some speak about freedom, while others highlight fairness, innovation, belonging, or growth. These values become the essential ingredients.
Step 2: Tweak the recipe
Once values are clear, the message is easier to shape. A leader who values autonomy connects with words such as “agility”, “options”, and “initiative”. Someone who values loyalty engages through “trust”, “commitment”, and “shared vision”. This is the base note that carries the message through.
Step 3: Blend message and meaning
This is where the real magic happens. By matching values with language, you can move from generic communication to intentional and textured. Think beautifully tempered chocolate with a perfectly balanced filling: not overpowering, just right.
When empathy meets strategy and influence feels effortless, leadership becomes artful because it’s fully attuned.
Influence is a skill – and an invitation
Upward influence invites a more generous and complete version of leadership that values resonance over volume, alignment over control, and connection over hierarchy.
Choosing to shape leadership in all directions is similar to selecting a richer chocolate experience: layered, intentional, and satisfying.
Remember, influence is most powerful when created with attention to detail, respect for complexity, and a deep appreciation for each person´s qualities.
A final reflection before you go: “How can I contribute to something beyond my role or agenda?”
About the author
I’m Dorothée Oung, Neuroleader and coach to leading practitioners, motivational speakers, trainers, facilitators, coaches, and fellow leaders. My goal is to guide soon- to-be Neuroleaders through deliberate practices to achieve their professional goals.
